Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Chameleon

Spacey Stacey "AnaStacia" is having an identity crisis when she is infinite love wishing to express itself in infinite combinations.
Don't try to box me in man!
Infinity in all it's forms of expression only having the one present moment to manifest itself in.
I AM what I AM and what I AM is a fucking chameleon. I don't want to choose one name, one face, one hairstyle, one way of dressing, or behaving. I don't want one job, one husband, one religion. Even just one life is not enough.
I AM wanting to have the cake and I AM desiring to eat myself and every fucking one else's cake.
I AM a multi-faceted fucking diamond and don't want to be restricted to shine out of only one of my faces. I AM connected to multiple frequencies, unlike a boring fuck that only listens to the one radio station. The same station as all the boring fuckers.
I AM fighting for my right to change, grow, evolve and take on any situation, acquaintance or obstacle that will facilitate expansion.
I AM connected to nature and my Mother Earth and will not be intimidated by those who find it strange that I have faith in the natural balance of all things.
If Ana comes from the root word meaning "up" and Stacia originates from the root word meaning "standing, or stagnant, or stasis" with the overall word upstanding translating to "Resurrection," then I certainly have been undergoing a transformation from stagnation to resurrection into free-flowing with all of creation. But it still doesn't fit. Because I don't fit. I don't fit into any fucking box because I don't want to be boxed in at all. I don't want a name. Apparently the Greek name Anastasios is actually a derivative of the Sanskrit word 'anasta' which means incorruptible. I resonate more with Sanskrit and with that name and meaning, but society tells me that it is silly to change my name all the time. But I am a fucking evolving being man and what is wrong with expressing that expansion??! But why should I give a fuck about society or my peers. Fuck them both. I love the world and all it's beings unconditionally but I do not feel like the world returns that favour. And so I am paranoid and self-conscious and restrict myself because I feel like the world is restricting me. I need to change that within myself and not blame the world. I need to not be influenced by the world because of rebellion but because I genuinely love it and feel loved by it. I need to receive love from the world and the universe and myself.. put myself into the frequency of reception, instead of trying to find love in exterior things.
Catherine Shainberg advised me to BE happy. She could see through my masks to see that there is a part of me deep within that is a depressed fuck. I definitely am becoming happier though. I'm beginning to allow my self to be it self, whatever the fuck that is. i'm allowing people to see the parts in me that make me happy. i guess that's what the essence of me really is.. happy. because happiness is a secondary effect of doing, being and expressing all that you love. i'm caring less and less about what other people think and beginning to be myself. I want to be happy to be me.

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Ana Stacia fuck i hope this saved to private.....
15 minutes ago · Like

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